Eglantine
by Azrael's Addiction
Summary: Involves a sadistic Fenrir Greyback, a lonely Sirius Black, and an enslaved Remus Lupin. SBRL
1. Paper Heart

**Paper Heart**

* * *

It was around three in the morning when he finally returned to his room. He had barely made it through the door before he collapsed onto the floor. His skin was covered in thick glitter and sweat and he felt like a mass of limbs.

The carpet smelled of woman's perfume and sweat. It couldn't have possibly been any more comfortable, but he still couldn't sleep. Music pounded in his ears and a million eyes stared at him.

It wasn't long before the door opened and a heavy set of hands lifted him from the floor like a rag doll. He immediately smelled semen and filth…he wanted to vomit.

"You did well, cub." Greyback lowered him onto his bed over the tangle of silk covers. "You won't have to work for a little while, as a reward."

He didn't have the strength to respond. It seemed as if his limbs were filled with sand. Breathing seemed too taxing. Greyback slipped a hand under his "cub's" back and lifted him slightly to slide the skirt off his hips.

"Shouldn't sleep in your clothes, cub." Greyback pulled off Remus' blouse and the hands disappeared for a few moments. They reappeared on his ankles and worked off the heels. Remus heard the dual click of his shoes falling to the ground, but the hands stayed and wandered up his calves.

Remus groaned when slow, strong circles were kneaded into his muscles. He tried to move away, but he was too tired. Besides, what Greyback wanted he couldn't refuse.

Greyback pressed his lips inside Remus' thigh. "You can do whatever you like tomorrow. Go wherever you want. The pack was pleased with your performance. I'll even give you some money so you can get a new book."

Greyback's voice was sweet, dulcet. It ran shivers up Remus' spine in the most unpleasant way.

"Mm," Greyback nipped at Remus' hipbone and kissed his lower stomach, leaving moisture wherever his mouth went. Remus felt dirty just lying there. "You were stunning tonight."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. The promise of books and a hiatus in work was enough to keep him quiet when Greyback parted his legs and settled in between them.

* * *

"I'm not going, James. They can't make me." Sirius turned to view his backside in the mirror. "I should've left that house when I got the chance. Damn it, I'm an idiot. I have plans that weekend."

"No you don't, you tosser." James laughed, "I would know if you did."

Sirius glared and him. "Still don't want to go."

"I'll be there."

"Goddamn you."

"Peter will be there."

"Yeah." Sirius turned to the tailor. "Can I get this hemmed?"

"Yes, Mr Black."

Sirius pulled the dress robe over his head and handed it to the witch. "Alright, I'll take them then." He handed her a fist full of galleons. "Let's get out of here. I'll come back for the fitting later."

James shrugged and followed Sirius to the counter where the woman was boxing his robes. "Fine. Where do you want to go?"

"I dunno. Anywhere."

"I'm supposed to meet Lily at Flourish and Blots in a few. Wanna come?"

"Yeah," Sirius said idly—he was already beginning to get bored, "Sure."

Diagon Alley was relatively empty. A few witches idled about, gossiping shrilly and looking in shop windows. A group of solemn-faced wizards walked past them on their way to The Leaky Cauldron. Otherwise it was abandoned.

War did that to people.

"You're lucky you've got Lily, mate." Sirius commented as they passed the book display.

James opened the door of the bookshop. "Yeah, I know. The luckiest."

Sirus filed in after James, holding the door behind him with an outstretched arm for the next person.

The person behind him mumbled a quiet 'thank you.'

"Yeah, no problem." Sirius pushed past James towards a bookshelf labeled _Quidditch Instruction_. "I dunno, mate. Maybe I'll pick up a bird at this thing or something, I mean it wouldn't hurt. Even Peter's got tha—James?"

James was staring openly at the other customer who had come in behind Sirius. He was pale and his mouth was open wide. Sirius followed his gaze and his jaw went slack.

"Is that…"

"Remus Lupin!"

The man froze, book still in hand, but he didn't turn. Instead he flipped a page and bent his head even more.

"Moony!" Sirius tried again, making his way through the shelves. "Merlin, Remus, where have you be—"

The man closed his book and stuffed it into the shelf hastily. He turned around briskly, head still angled oddly. "I'm sorry, sir. You must have the wrong person."

Sirius' brow knitted. Remus wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Remus, come off it. I know it's you. I thought you were...why didn't you...we just haven't seen you since—"

"You have the wrong person." He looked up, desperation in his eyes. He was definitely Remus. Paler. Thinner. With longer hair. But definitely Remus. Remus in panic. A panic Sirius had never seen before. "Please leave me alone."

He made his way towards the door, still walking, but at a fast clip.

"Remus, wai—"

The man took off in a dead run.

Sirius sprinted after him, just in time to catch him rounding a corner into an alley. He pushed past a gaggle of witches running after Remus so fast that he couldn't feel his feet.

He didn't remember Remus being such a fast runner.

"Remus!"

He followed him down another alleyway. This one was a dead end—a tall brick wall of another building. Remus kept running at full speed.

"Remus?" Sirius slowed down to a trot and watched as his boyhood friend ran straight up a brick wall and bound off over the rooftops.

"What the hell…"

* * *

Far away from Diagon Alley in another district entirely, Remus slumped against a wall, struggling to catch his breath from the run. He leaned his head against the cool brick, trying desperately to stop shaking.

_You shouldn't have gone in._

"I know," he whispered between gasps.

_You recognized them. Especially Sirius. You should have run._

"I didn't think they'd recognize me." Remus was close to sobbing.

_You wanted to see them again._

"Of course I did! I hadn't seen them since Hogwarts…I didn't know if they were—"

_It was stupid. What if Sirius had caught you?_

"—dead or not. Sirius looked good, don't you think? So did James. They've both gotten some height on them. And did you hear? James is still seeing Lily. I wonder if they're going to get married. If she's doing okay. Sirius hasn't found someone yet. I mean, he will, but…"

_Greyback will kill you when he finds out._

"He won't."

_He will._

Remus nodded though it made his head throb. He stood up shakily and started running again. He had a long way home.

* * *

Remus was on the floor reading one of his old books when he felt meaty arms wrap around his waist. "Hello, cub." A scruffy face nestled into Remus' neck. "You smell delicious. You shower?"

"Yes, sir."

"Mmm, I'd love to simply devour you."

Remus felt a brush of teeth against his skin. The book slipped from his hands.

_Distract him._

"Would you, now?"

Greyback grinned. There was blood on his yellowing teeth and he smelled foul. Like rotting death. "Mm, I've missed you, cub. I had a long day without you. Did you miss me?"

"Of course…"_ Milk it_"…Master."

Greyback closed his eyes and growled low in his chest. He thrust himself over Remus, pressing the smaller werewolf onto his stomach. "You were always so good, cub. Even when you were younger. So submissive." Greyback threaded his fingers through Remus' hair and pushed his head into the ground forcefully. Remus' check pressed against the cold floor. "But you want to fight, don't you?" He yanked Remus' head back and dipped his mouth in against Remus' jugular. "Don't you?"

_Stay silent. Silent._

Greyback snarled and sunk his teeth into Remus' throat. Despite himself, Remus moaned in pain. He felt the blood run down his neck and drip onto the floor beneath him. Some of it seeped into the collar of his shirt.

"You look awfully pretty, even in your street clothes." Greyback licked up Remus' neck, moaning at the taste of his blood. "Though I think you'd look prettier without them."

Remus whimpered.

"How do you want it? Tell me."

_Lie._

"Fuck me."

Greyback pulled away and smiled. Remus' blood trickled down his chin and Remus shivered beneath him. There were few things more terrifying than seeing your blood in someone's mouth.

"Gladly."

Remus gasped and jerked violently when Greyback suddenly tore off his trousers. He was—for all of Greyback's purposes—completely naked. Remus hadn't owned a proper pair of pants since he lost his wand.

He hadn't used a wand since his seventh year of school.

"Moan for me, cub." Greyback pressed his forearm against Remus' shoulder blades and pulled himself out of his trousers with the free hand. Remus felt Greyback—angry and sharp—against his lower back. He forced an aroused moan, but tried to remain as removed as possible. He found this entire procedure was less painful, less difficult if he thought of something...anything...else.

_I know a bank where the wild thyme blows…_

Greyback thrust into him suddenly, painfully. Remus whimpered in pain, but Greyback didn't hear it over his own grunting. For that he was grateful.

_…where oxlips and the nodding violet grows…_

"Move, cub. Move for me."

_…quite o'er canopied with luscious woodbine…_

"Fuck it." Greyback wrapped an arm around Remus' waist and shoved him upwards against himself. Remus gritted his teeth in pain.

_…With sweet muskroses and…_

Greyback's pace increased until he was howling and pounding into Remus. Remus grit his jaw and focused, trying to think of the next line. The next word. Something else. Greyback came hard and collapsed atop Remus, panting heavily. Sweat slicked between them.

_… eglantine._

Greyback rolled off of Remus and grinned down at him. "You didn't even come, cub." The blood smeared over his face was already starting to dry. It made Remus' stomach clench uncomfortably.

Remus quietly rolled onto his back and reached down for his trousers. Greyback grabbed his hands before he could.

"You're a funny creature, cub. I'm quite pleased. The Malfoys are hosting a party this weekend. You will attend. I'll have one of the other pack mates find you something to wear." Greyback stood and left Remus' room.

Remus lifted his trousers up around his hips and picked up his book again to read.

* * *

_Author's Note: Alright, alright. I know how this must look. But there is rhyme, there is reason. It will be explained._

_And, for the record, Remus' "occupation" is based off of a practice in Afghanistan called "bacha bazi." Young, feminine boys are kidnapped and sold between men as entertainers. They are to dress as women and dance for parties. It is a sign of status to have many "bacha bareesh" and it seems like something that Fenrir Greyback would find appealing._

_ Of course, there is no offense intended, but this practice has become something very akin--if not identical--to human trafficking. This may seem somewhat "sexy" in this story, but I assure you the reality is anything but. If you are curious, I advise looking it up._

_Credit for "I know a bank..." goes to William Shakespeare.  
_


	2. Naked

**Naked**

* * *

James pulled his collar up and refolded it, watching himself in Sirius' vanity mirror. He ran his hands through his hair again. He sighed.

"Do I look alright?"

No answer.

James turned around and saw Sirius sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the window. He was sucking on a check, as he was wont to do when he was deep in thought. James went to sit next to him.

"Sirius?"

Outside Sirius' flat, it was raining. Dark clouds spread across the sky, allowing no light through. It had been raining since yesterday, heavy and angry rain.

"Sirius!"

"Do you think he's outside right now? In this weather…"

James' brow furrowed. "Mate, that might not have been Remus…we searched everywhere and no sign of him…someone would have—"

"He looked awfully thin. Even thinner than he was in school. I could see his bones right through his cheeks…"

"Mate," James laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Remus is dead."

Sirius shook his head. "It had to have been him. It looked just like him…same Moony-voice too…"

"Sirius."

"No! They never found his body, James! Never! I looked for it, you did too! He could have been _alive _all this time!"

James winced. "Don't do this, Sirius. Don't. It hurts too much."

"He's alive, James. I know it. That was him."

"They found his wand, Sirius. You have it now. Remus is…dead."

Sirius stood. "Fuck the party, I'm going to look again. Maybe he's at a shelter somewhere. We didn't ask all the shopkeeps at Diagon Alley—"

"Sirius, no."

"—we could put up fli—"

"Sirius," James seized his friend's shoulders and shook him until the boy's teeth clattered. "Stop doing this to yourself. He. Is. Dead."

Fire flared in Sirius' eyes, then tears welled and the moment was over.

Sirius stilled and suddenly slouched. His entire body seemed to shrink into itself. "You're right. I know. He wouldn't have run from us. From me."

James rubbed awkward circles into Sirius' back. "You going to be okay?"

Sirius stood. "Yeah, let's just get this ordeal over with." He stood. "Dumbledore wants us to go. So we go."

* * *

The party at the Malfoy Manor looked a great deal like a funeral. The women with their pursed lips and dark dresses huddled into conspiring circles while the men hovered near by with their brandy. A few of the members glanced at Sirius and James when they walked in, disdain clear on their faces—but they remained silent.

James leaned into James and whispered, "Thanks for coming."

James shrugged. "If it helps."

Sirius knew what he meant.

Peter, who had been talking to Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange broke away from the group and scampered over to James and Sirius.

"I dunno how much longer we'll be able to keep this up, I think they know."

"Fuck. Alright, we'll have to try harder…"

Peter shook his head. "No, we can't keep this up. If they catch us…"

"Alright, alright. Fine. Just try and be cool."

"There's one more thing…"

"What?"

"Fenrir Greyback—"

"—is here."

Sirius and Peter turned to where James was glaring. Fenrir stood in the suddenly too-small doorway, consuming all space with his mass. He—despite the suit he'd crammed himself in—looked every bit as terrifying as Sirius had remembered him to be. Tall with features too sharp to be human, but too keen to be wolf.

Peter and James swallowed reflexively, but Sirius clenched his fists.

Greyback spotted them and grinned. His teeth were sharp, feral. The full was approaching, he was bound to be more lupine than usual. "Hello, Mr Black. Mr Potter. Pettigrew."

They nodded curtly back.

"How did you get invited? Beg your daddy? Come crawling back?"

"Something like that."

Fenrir looked over to James and Peter. "You seem to be missing a member. Did my cub _run off somewhere_?"

Sirius' jaw clenched. James put a hand over his friend. "He's been away."

Fenrir laughed, low and sinister. "Has he now? I've heard there was…an attack. Wolf, was it?"

Sirius lunged but James was faster. "You bloody—"

"Careful. Or you may not get to stay for the big show."

"C'mon, mate. C'mon. Not worth it." James was bigger than Sirius, but only slightly. It was enough to keep him in tow. He managed to pull him away, Peter following behind.

"Oh, Mr Black." Fenrir called idly, "If you're curious: your friend tastes_ divine_."

James wrestled Sirius into the ballroom, forcing the door closed behind them. "Mate, stop it! You're going to—goddamn it, stop that!"

"I'll kill him! I will! Let me go!"

"The Order needs you to keep your head! You have _not_ just wasted all these years with your family to blow it now."

"The bastard is what got him! Everyone knows it!"

"Sirius, stop. Merlin, if you won't do it for The Order do it for Remus! Stop it!"

Sirius jerked away from James, but he had lost the fight in him. "Why…Merlin, James. I thought we'd buried this." He shook his head and batted Peter away. "He wasn't supposed to die. We were going to…I was going to…he wasn't supposed to die."

James squeezed Sirius' shoulder. "I know, mate.

Peter looked around nervously. "We should go; Malfoy was telling me that they were going to use this room to—"

The doors opened and the male guests filed in. Tables sprouted from the floor like accelerated rose bushes and, with a small pop, food and drink appeared on the tables. The room suddenly didn't appear so grand and tasteful as it had before.

"—entertain."

James pulled out a chair and sat down. "We should split up. Peter, you go sit with Fenrir—"

"I'm terrified of him. Please no."

"Alright. Just…spread out. Sirius, you wanna keep an eye out?"

Sirius groaned, but accepted a corner near the back of the room. He had a decent view of the Malfoys, should they try and leave without speaking to him, and Fenrir Greyback was also in his sight. He hadn't spotted Snivellus yet, but the berk had made himself scarce since Sirius rejoined the ranks.

It wasn't long before the candles dimmed—save the ones on the chandelier above the clearing in the tables. Fenrir had promised a show, this seemed to be it.

Sirius watched Fenrir even as disembodied music picked up. He seemed to be overly proud, smirking smugly as other Death Eaters leaned in to whisper to him. He was pointing towards the clearing where a dancer moved to the music.

Sirius' lip curled into a sneer. Probably another too young victim forced into this world of grime and sin. He fought back nausea for the veiled girl.

Someone snickered and the ballroom erupted in contemptuous chuckles and snide comments. Fenrir stood suddenly. Sirius reflexively gripped his wand but it seemed Fenrir only wanted to tear the dancer's skirt. It ripped all the way up to her hipbone. Sirius felt a second roll of nausea when he saw the red scars running up her skin.

She stumbled, but the black veil over her head remained unmoved. Another Death Eater reached out to rip at her shirt. This one threw her forward and the veil fluttered like a shadow to the floor. Sirius made note of the offender—a sickly young blond who he didn't recognize.

She pulled back, whipping the hair out of her face—except, she wasn't a _her _at all. She was a he. And he was Remus Lupin.

There was a moment when nothing but sadness plagued his eyes, but it was quickly replaced with a coldness Sirius had never seen before. He curled a finger towards himself, taunting the blond Death Eater into standing. The Death Eater flung away what was left of his skirt, leaving Remus—quiet, quiet, soft, gentle, kind, modest, Remus—with a torn shirt

And nothing else.

Sirius saw James tense and he himself wanted to run up there. Wanted to grab his dead friend. Wanted to know what had happened.

Peter turned in his chair to look at Sirius. His look said, 'Don't, Sirius. Save it.'

Someone extinguished the lights, submerging them in a pitch black that ate at Sirius' mind. When the candles were relit, Remus was gone and a group of wizards were quietly gathered around Fenrir.

Sirius clenched his jaw and worked his way towards the werewolf. James stopped him.

"He's being sold for the night now, Sirius…I heard Lestrange say that he wanted him for Bellatrix…Sirius, don't!"

It was too late, Sirius muscled his way towards Greyback. Greyback turned from the conversation he was conducting with Lestrage.

Fenrir smiled. "You putting in a bid?"

Sirius' eyes steeled. "What's the minimum bid?"

"Fifty."

"Then I'll double it."

Lestrange glared daggers at Sirius. "It's not proper to bid the first time you've seen it."

"One hundred, Greyback." Sirius purposefully ignored Rodolphus referring to Remus as an 'it.' "That's my bid."

"Not worth it. I'll bid next time."

Greyback grinned and handed Sirius a key. "You have until eleven. There are wards and punishment for the cub should he try to escape. I'm sure you know where the dungeons are?"

Sirius nodded and left immediately. He had an hour.

* * *

Remus shivered in the cold. Greyback had hinted that Bellatrix might have him tonight. Fittingly, he had been placed in a dungeon with the original fixtures. He shivered again. It was cold, and his clothes had been ruined.

It wasn't always like this. At stiffer parties he danced, or hovered around Greyback—but nothing else. For the pack, he was just a member. A favored member, which earned him the scorn of the other werewolves, but another face in the crowd. For the Death Eaters, a toy. For other werewolf packs, a bribe. Sometimes he was just sold for the night. Income.

Price of being a slave.

Remus shuddered again and eyed the rusting shackles on the wall. Knowing Bellatrix, she would bring her own devices. It made him sick to think of what was to come.

The trap door creaked open and Remus tried to slow his hyperventilation.

But fear was fear.

Heavy, fast footfalls. Boots. It didn't sound like Bellatrix; she never hurried the process. It sounded like a man. Smelled like man. Clean, but sharp.

Remus closed his eyes and pretended that it wasn't happening. He curled his knees up against his chest.

_Not happening. Not happening. Not happening._

Warm arms wrapped around him and picked him up. Remus gasped in shock and he inhaled the scent of his embracer.

Sirius.

Remus struggled to get out and look at Sirius in the face. The man held Remus' shoulders between his hands and smiled. He pulled him close again.

"How did you…"

"We thought you were dead…"

"…why are you…"

"…but we never found a body…"

"…did you? Oh Merlin, you saw…" Remus scrambled away from Sirius and turned in shame. "You shouldn't have seen that."

"Moony," Sirius seized his friend's shoulder and turned him around, "have you been here the whole time?"

Remus shook his head. "No. Not here…but Greyback…" he shuddered again, knocking the words from between his teeth.

"Merlin, Moony. I'm sorry, I—" Sirius took off his dress robes and flung them around Remus' shoulders and held him against his chest. "You're so thin, Moony. I can feel all your bones."

Remus shook his head. "S'not bad, Sirius. I was never much of an eater anyways." He was smiling, but it was that same, eerie smile as before. Remus reached out and touched Sirius' face. "Is it…are you…?"

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, it's me."

Remus smiled back. "You cropped your hair."

"You grew out yours."

"Greyback did, you mean."

Sirius' eyes steeled. "I'll get you out. I promise."

Quietly, doubtfully, Remus smiled at that. "How much time did you buy?"

Sirius winced. "An hour."

Remus nodded. "How'd you get in this party?"

"James, Peter, and I…after you…disappeared we joined the resistance. We've been infiltrating the system for a few weeks now."

Remus laughed. "Infiltrating the system. Look who got to be a superhero after all." He beamed up at his friend, but his expression held sorrow. Thick, palpable anguish that set his face in a queer exhaustion. "Sirius, you can't do anything about me then."

"What do you mean?"

"Freeing me…it would blow everything that you three have set up."

"Can't I…I dunno, Moony…_buy_ you off of Greyback?"

Remus shook his head. "That's not the way it works, Sirius. This system…it's more complicated. Fenrir turned me. Fenrir—well, he kidnapped me. Don't give me that look, Sirius, it's what he did and I am his until he's finished with me."

"And when he's finished with you?"

Remus smiled grimly.

"Then I'll just get you out of here. Screw it, Moony. We'll hide you."

Remus shook his head. "No. Dumbledore sent you here for a reason. You need to collect information. And if that means leaving me here," Remus swallowed as if he couldn't quite get used to the taste of his words, "so be it."

"This is bullshit, Moony. For two years I thought you were dead. Merlin, if I had known…I'd have done any—"

Remus placed his palm over Sirius' mouth. Sirius noted that it's rougher than it used to be—no longer the hands of a scholar, but the hands of a prostitute.

The thought made him livid with anger.

"Sirius. Don't be a hero. I can take care of myself."

"It's not right, Moony. S'not right at all."

Remus shook his head. "Doesn't matter now."

"I hate this."

Remus smiled sadly. He pulled Sirius' robe around his body and shivered. "How's James?"

"Good. He—he proposed to Lily."

Something flashed by Remus' eyes but it was gone in an instant. "Good. Oh good for them, I'm so glad. Send Lily my best wishes and congratulations to James. Tell them I…tell them I always knew. What about Peter?"

"Alive. Well. He's unemployed right now, but James is seeing that he has a roof over his head."

Remus nodded. "Sounds like the same old James. When's the wedding?"

"A month."

Remus' eyes closed and he took in a deep breath. Sirius felt like crying, but settled for pulling Remus into his arms.

"Tell them I wish I could make it."

"I will."

"Wh—if I get out of here, I'll see that I get them a gift."

"I think they'd understand."

Remus sighed. "Let me see your watch."

"It's five 'til."

"We should get you ready to go."

"What do you mean?"

Remus pulled Sirius' shirt out of his trousers and then crushed the ironed fabric in his hands. "You're going to have to play it off as if you bought me."

"Why the fuck should I—"

"Merlin, Padfoot, it's a wonder that they haven't caught you already." Remus ruffled Sirius' short hair. "Pinch your cheeks and bite your lips."

Sirius kneaded his face. "Buggers will believe whatever the fuck they want to. Can't see truth in front of their own eyes…"

Remus nodded and tilted his head to the side. "Bite me, Sirius."

Sirius stilled. "Come off it, Moony."

"No really, bite me."

"Wh—"

Remus sighed. "There's always blood, Padfoot."

"I am not—"

"You've tasted my blood before."

"I have n—"

"As Padfoot during the moon." Remus gave him a meaningful look and sighed. "Fine, have it your way…" He sunk his teeth into his arm, wincing slightly in pain.

"Remus, what the fu—"

"You should establish a better vocabulary," Remus wiped at his mouth to cleanse it of blood. He dipped his fingers in the blood as if it were fingerpaint. "Open your mouth."

"No."

Remus sighed again. "Sirius, I did not just bite myself for nothing."

Sirius sucked on his cheek, but ultimately sighed and parted his lips.

"Atta boy," Remus smeared the blood over his friend's teeth and lips, "Good. Don't swallow."

Sirius nodded and watched numbly as Remus smeared the remaining blood over his face and arm. "This is bullshit."

"Almost done." Remus pulled his hair so it stuck out in provocative, odd places. "You have to promise me something."

"What?"

Remus looked up. "You can't visit me."

"Why the—"

"If you need to talk to me it'll have to be at the parties where I just follow Greyback around."

"Hell no."

"Promise, Sirius."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why are you always so fucking rational, Moony?"

"Have to be. Okay, Fenrir will be down any time now." He peeled off Sirius' cloak and cast it to the floor.

"I fucking hate this."

"Please read a thesaurus while you're out. You really need some new interjections."

The trap door opened and Remus froze. He looked up at Sirius with big, scared eyes—he could smell something that Sirius could not—before collapsing to the floor in a tangle of limbs. Sirius almost dropped down beside him to inquire what's wrong, but Fenrir was down before he can.

Greyback scanned over Remus' tangle of body with cold, sadistic eyes and then up to Sirius' disheveled appearance. He grinned. "I'll be by your flat later for what you owe me."

"Sure." Sirius pushed past him before he could see Fenrir bend over to pick up Remus' shaking body, trying to feign indifference.

But it's awfully hard when he could hear Remus' terrified gasps and Greyback's low sinister chuckle.

* * *

_Author's Note: I must say, I'm a little concerned for you lot. I logged onto my computer a day after I published this and was met with--not even exaggerating here--one hundred notifications from the fanfiction bot. Albeit, not all of them were for this story, but...one hundred? Really?_

_Thank you everyone for your interest in this story. Can't say I understand it, but I sure as hell appreciate it.  
_


	3. Age of Waiting

**Age of Waiting**

* * *

He could smell it. Thick and hot against his nostrils, the terrifying scent of anger and lust pressed against his mind. He half-sobbed with longing for Sirius to stay, but swallowed it out of relief that his friend was able to escape.

He was lifted and carried through the manor to the floo and he was back in the suffocating darkness of "home."

Greyback deposited him onto the floor.

"Get up, cub."

Remus curled into himself. He had forgotten just what Greyback's sadism smelled like. It smelled like sex. Like pain. Like disease that would creep under his skin and consume him whole until he was nothing but a shriveled remnant of Remus.

At least, what was left of Remus.

"I couldn't be less in the mood for your defiance tonight. Get up!"

Remus whimpered, but made no move.

_They know now. _

_You aren't alone._

_What if Greyback finds out?_

"_Imperio. _Get up!"

It was suddenly wonderful and light all around him. Remus distantly felt his legs stiffen beneath him and he was suddenly standing. Then the curse was lifted and the familiar heaviness and fear settled in around him.

His legs trembled and Greyback caught him against his chest.

"I can smell your fear, cub. Is it because you can smell my anger?"

Remus shook his head, inhaling fiercely as he did. He thrusted his arms forward to dislodge himself from Greyback, but the larger werewolf held firm. "You've been angry before."

"Then why the fear, cub?"

Remus looked away and braced himself against the anticipated crush of knuckles against his jaw.

"I don't have time to punish you for your disobedience." Fenrir dropped him to the floor and started towards the door. He was trembling from anger. "But I'm sure your packmates won't mind filling in for me."

Remus got up shakily. His hands were slicked with sweat and dirt. "You're a bastard."

Greyback shot him an indifferent shrug, "Don't kill him, pups," and the door clicked closed.

Remus closed his eyes and braced himself. The pack was roughly around twenty strong and at least eighteen of them hated his bones. Frothy jealousy and anger stirred around him and hell if he wasn't going to get a proper beating for Greyback's favoritism. The other werewolves hadn't gotten the chance to tear at him for weeks.

A pair of arms wrapped around his neck and dragged him to the floor. "Been a while, Lupin."

Remus struggled for a moment, but ultimately allowed four more werewolves to heap atop them. It was a mess of teeth and fingernails before Remus managed to scramble away.

"Wotcher, Montgomery. Salsburg. Didn't know you could use human words."

Montgomery was the largest of the pack. Tall, black and even more muscled than Fenrir himself. Salsburg was his smaller, more political counterpart. Together they formed the underlying alliance within the pack. When Fenrir was gone, they were alpha.

Montgomery growled and, though it was a purely human sound, it had the same effect as if it were from a wolf. "Yer gonna regret that." He lunged for Remus, but the latter was faster. Remus dodged him, but didn't manage to catch himself before barreling into another werewolf.

"Oi, Lupin. Good to see ya."

"'lo Carol."

"Come o' it, boyos. He's no good ta any of us dead."

"He's no good alive neither."

Carol glared. "He pays fo' e'eryfing you lot eat. If you didn't catch it, his money bought it. Come off o' it."

Montgomery and Salsburg were alpha and beta, providing that Carol allowed them to be.

"Ta, Carol. You're a lifesaver."

"S'nothing, Lupin. Ya do know that eventually your mouf is gonna do you in?"

Remus nodded. "You have anything extra for me to wear? It appears that mine have been misplaced."

Carol shrugged. "Not really, boyo. But I fink tha' Kingston migh' have somefing fo' ya." She walked over to Kingston's patch of blankets and stolen items and rifled through them until she found an oversized collared oxford.

"God bless you, Carol." Remus buttoned quickly. The shirt barely reached mid-thigh but he preferred being scantily clad to not clad at all. "How've things been down here?"

Carol shrugged. "S'not too bad, really. Though Greyback brought in a new one…" She jerked her shoulder to a boy crouched under the window. He must have been a very recent arrival as he didn't have a blanket or any possessions. Just the clothes on his back. "Dunno his name. Isn't takin' too well to nuffin'. The only one 'appy tha' he's here is Jerry because that means he don't hafta sleep under the window no more."

Remus bit his lip. "Merlin, he can't even be ten years old."

"Greyback's been getting' 'em younger recently. Fink he's tryin' to build a generation or somefin'."

"Probably…will you look after him?"

Carol shook her head. "I can't. Tried. He's stubborn. Much like someone else I know…"

Remus hit her on the shoulder playfully. "You remind me of a friend I had—have—on the outside."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Same disposition. Same fiery red hair…better table manners though."

She rubbed his head with the heel of her palm and playfully bit at his shoulder. "Yer a wanker, Lupin."

Remus grinned. "I know it…" His eyes slid back to the solitary boy.

Carol backhanded him over the head.

"Fuck! What was that for?"

"Don't even fink abou' it, Lupin."

"I wasn't thinking about any—"

"Ya can't do it. Greyback will kill you."

"For just talking to him?"

"Yes. Kill ya, Lupin. An' I'm not cleanin' up the guts."

"Merlin, Carol. I'm simply going to talk to the boy…"

"Yer not gonna get anyfing outta him."

"Watch me."

"Arrogant berk."

* * *

Dumbledore remained impassive as James recounted the night's events. Next to him, Elphias Doge ran fragile fingers over his aging face. Minerva McGonagall sat stoically, but under the table to she was nervously transforming a pincushion to a teacup and back again.

Sirius had wanted to reiterate the night, but his information was garbled. By the time he reached his second sentence, he had run out of any viable updates.

"Peter overheard a conversation concerning the three of us. According to Peter, they want to trust our loyalty. I'm concerned that this could jeopardize our infiltration. I suggest we back out soon."

"Alright. Now, would you like to try and explain Mr Black's…survey of events?"

"We—found Remus Lupin."

McGonagall's teacup pincushion exploded in a miniature puff of smoke. "Is that what Black was trying to say? Is he alive?"

"Yes."

Her eyes went wide with relief. One of her favored pupils—alive.

Dumbledore's expression, however, remained quietly calculating. "I see. Go on, dear boy."

James flushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "He's under the possession of Fenrir Greyback at the moment, sir."

Dumbledore nodded. "I assume Fenrir Greyback has established a pack?"

"That I'm not sure of, sir. Remus didn't specify in his—erm—meeting with Sirius."

"Meeting?"

"He's been trafficked, sir."

Dumbledore nodded again and turned to a splotchy Sirius Black who was shaking violently. "If you wouldn't mind, Mr Black, I am in need of a cup of tea. I'm sure Alastor wouldn't mind if you rummage through his kitchen for some leaves?"

Sirius jerked his head in what could be interpreted as a nod and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Are we aware of his current involvement?"

"Not at all, sir. I…well I don't know how this sort of thing…works, sir."

Dumbledore sighed. "Alastor, I believe you know more about the inner workings of this practise. Would you kindly…?"

Moody grunted and stood up. "It's an honor thing for them. The more of these whores that they've got, the more status. The younger, the prettier the better. Sounds just like something that'd get the bastard Greyback's rocks off." He circled around to his dusty bookshelf and pulled out a book which appeared to be written in Russian. "It's not something that all Death Eaters do, mind you, but it's getting awfully popular."

He opened the book and rifled through until he found the desired page and flung it on the table.

"That there is a progression of status. Certain levels are reached and then the whore's no longer valuable. Usually they're disposed of, but in Lupin's case I'm guessin' Greyback'll want to keep him around as a pack member." Moody glanced at the map again and sneered. "Filthy practise, though. Lupin'll go through hell and back if we ever get him out of there."

Lily—who had remained quiet and thoughtful through the majority of the meeting—reached out and slid the book within her view. "My Russian's bad, but I don't see any difference between…this…and common prostitution."

"They dance, Evans. And wear woman's clothing. Other than that it's sex trafficking."

Lily nodded and slid the book away. "So what do we do now?"

Sirius returned to the table without Dumbledore's tea. His expression and ashen face suggested that he had heard everything.

"Just how far in the system was he? I'm guessing he was auctioned off with Black as the winner if he was allowed to talk to somebody."

Sirius nodded.

"He valuable?"

Sirius glared at Moody, but bit his tongue. "Hundred galleons. Lestrange put in fifty."

"Fuck, then." Moody rubbed his glass eye. "At this point I'd say we can't do anything until he's moved out of the system. You lot are the only ones who know he's there. If he mysteriously disappears they'll trace it back to you and we'll lose our informants."

"So you suggest we wait, Alastor?" McGonagall's voice was a pitch too high.

"We wait."

* * *

_Author's Note: Much like you will for the next chapter. Structural support of suspense--better known as cliff-hangers. Gotta love them._

_So it's around six o'clock AM here and I'm bloody tired. My shift starts in four hours. I'm a right idiot some times.  
_

_Thanks for the reviews, by the way. It's unbelievable how much support I can garner from complete strangers.  
_


	4. Fire and Water

**Fire and Water**

_This chapter contains graphic violence._

* * *

"Hello there." Remus folded his legs the best he could and leaned against the wall. A draft seeped in from the cracked window and Remus made a note to himself to find this boy some proper bedding.

The boy hunched underneath the window cast a look at Remus, but turned away immediately. He was handsome with dark hair, sharp features, and light gray eyes. He had an angel face, the kind that garnered sympathy and pity. Vulnerable and beautiful, like a girl.

Remus smiled gently. "My name's Remus Lupin. What's yours?"

The boy rested his forehead on his knees and sighed.

"Carol tells me you haven't been here long. Have you?"

The boy's eyes slid over to Remus. They were dark with mistrust and silently begged Remus to leave him alone.

"I've been here for a while." Remus continued. He stared contemplatively up at the ceiling. "Two years, I think." Remus laughed quietly. "In fact, I can't even remember how old I am."

The boy sat up and looked directly at Remus.

"Do you know how old you are?"

"I 'ave eight years, but almost nine."

Remus blinked in surprise. "You're French."

"_Oui, monsieur. Parlez-vous le francais_?"

"_Un peu mais_…well, not enough."

The boy nods. "_Je m_—I am called Jean. Jean-Georges Luc."

"Nice to meet you, Jean-Georges."

"All my friends, they call me Jean. You can too, _si vous aimez. Lupin…c'est francais?_"

"I think so…my parents and I never really got along."

"Oh. _Je vois._"

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you a werewolf, Jean?"

"_Quoi?_"

"Oh…a, um…_loup-garou?_"

"_Non._ Is that what all of the people here are?"

"Yes."

"Oh. _Maman_ told me about them…I be one too?"

"Most likely."

"Monsieur Lupin, I 'ave not seen you 'ere. Why is zat?"

"Greyback—the man who brought you here—I'm…well, I'm special to him."

"Special? Like me?"

"How so?"

"Monsieur…Greyback? 'e told me that I know what others don't. That I could—"

The door flew open, splintering against the stone wall. "Cub. Here. Now."

Remus stood up, shell-shocked and unable to take a step forward.

Fenrir blazed across the basement floor, tossing aside those who got in his way. "Get the fuck away from the boy."

When Remus did not immediately move, he lifted him easily by his hair and tossed him across the room. His body crashed against the wall, but he got up immediately.

"You are not to talk to him."

"I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

And just like that, Fenrir's position changed. He leaned onto the balls of his feet and hunched forwards. He leered over Remus, so close that they could kiss. "What did you say, cub?"

Remus was a head shorter than Greyback, but he glared back with similar heat. "I will talk to whomever I please."

It happened quickly. One moment he was staring up at Greyback, the next he was pinned against the floor with a broken nose.

Fenrir lifted his head and slammed it back down. "Defiance." Slam. "Deserves." Slam. "Punishment." He jerked his head up again, so hard that Remus was afraid that it would snap. "Spread them, whore."

Remus gulped in air and shook his head violently. Blood was pouring from his nose and into his mouth and he couldn't breathe. The mere thought of Greyback touching him made him violently ill. Or that could be the impact against his head.

His head crashed down again. He whimpered when his nose crunched again, broken in two places. "Spread them. Or I will for you." Fenrir twisted Remus' hair in his fist. "Now."

It took three more blows before Remus finally parted his knees. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Greyback.

When Fenrir was finished, everyone in the room was silent and staring with mild horror. Carol was mumbling prayers into her palm. Jean had burrowed his head into his arms.

Remus had vomited from head-trauma and he was lying in his own blood and sick, shivering and muttering to himself.

"HowcanIreturninhappyp-plight? How canIreturninhappyplightto the the..."

His tormentor grunted and picked him up by one arm. His weight combined with Greyback's jerking persistence popped his shoulder out of place.

"...th-that I amdebarredthe ben-benefitof r-rest..."

"Quiet, you." Fenrir turned to the pack. "Go back to sleep, you lot. We hunt tomorrow."

He hoisted Remus over one shoulder and carried him upstairs. By then, the boy was blissfully unconscious.

* * *

It was quiet. Rain spilled down from the gutters and sloshed onto the pavement as if it needed to be reunited with the earth as soon as possible. Against the windowpanes, rivulets raced each other—intertwining like lovers in May.

Though the wind pressed against the house, and though everything was under the swell of gray, everything was terribly silent. Muffled. Even within the house.

Sirius stared outside unseeingly. A hand pressed against his shoulder, but he didn't turn around.

"Are you alright, Sirius?"

Sirius shrugged and refused to look at Lily. "Remus liked the rain. Said it made him feel brisk and alive. He kept quoting this muggle poet…'The quality of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. ' I don't even know who wrote it. I don't even know what it means. But I still remember it."

"It's Sh—"

"Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I don't want to know unless it's Remus who tells me."

Lily sighed and sat down next to him. "You're awfully stubborn, Black."

"Not stubborn enough."

"How do you mean?"

"If I'd been stubborn enough I wouldn't have listened to Moony. I would've gotten him out of there no matter the consequences. I'm so fucking brash all the time and this time I wasn't? Moony always said I was like fire; burning everything up. I guess that makes him water because, goddamnit, I sure wasn't burning when I saw him."

"Love's fire heats water, water cools not love."

Sirius turned. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." She kissed him on the forehead. "We're all very worried about him, but staring out the window won't do anything. Please come to dinner. James actually cooked tonight."

"Alright."

"You'll sleep here tonight."

Sirius looked outside once more before following Lily. "Alright."

* * *

_He is on fire. It is in his limbs and chest and feet because he cannot not not run fast enough. Cannot shake the fear that spears through him. Cannot escape this hell._

_He catches up to him. It is to be expected. Inevitable. He was chasing his prey and so now he's caught it. Remus falls to the wet forest ground. In the distance he can hear fireworks and mangled cheers of excitement. Celebration rings across the Hogwarts grounds. A celebration he should not have left._

"_Been a while, cub."_

_Remus shudders in terror and fruitlessly claws at the ground around him. His fingers light on a branch and he wields it against his attacker. It's enough to give him a moment to scramble to his feet and get a few steps away. But it's not enough to allow him to escape._

"_Oh no, you're coming with me, cub."_

_Remus can't scream. He's taught himself over the years not to scream despite the pain or the terror. All that comes out is a muffled, hoarse 'no.'_

_But he wishes he could scream as Fenrir drags him deeper into the Forbidden Forest. His friends are mere kilometers away from him._

_His wand._

_He pulls it out, but Fenrir flings it away with a bat of his hand. It skitters into the darkness and it's all over. All over._

_The sex and the smell. The warehouse. An old, abandoned warehouse near the docks. In the weeks to come, Remus will scramble from the warehouse and try to fling himself into the filthy water. He makes it once. Enough to sink into the bliss of unconsciousness, but another pack mate drags him out and he never tries again._

_It's death here. The pack grows and Remus climbs in status. He's given his own "room." An old office near the room where Fenrir himself sleeps. He transforms here. Hunts in the ghetto like a monster. He is a monster._

_Monster._

_

* * *

  
_

Remus woke with a start. He was too hot and everything around him too loud. He attempted to bring his hands up to his ears, but found that he was bound to the bed. He smelled blood and the lingering scent of animals.

It hurt, but his memory returned to him in increments. His last memory was in the basement with the others and Greyback…he must have been unconscious through the full moon up until now. Hence the bindings.

It took Remus a moment to realize he was in Greyback's quarters and that the werewolf was asleep right next to him.

He sighed and did his best to fall back asleep, but seems unable to. His mind went too fast, and he closed his eyes and willed comfort to come to him.

_Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,  
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;  
But then begins a journey in my head  
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:  
For then my thoughts--from far where I abide--  
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,  
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,  
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:  
Save that my soul's imaginary sight  
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,  
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,  
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.  
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,  
For thee, and for myself, no quiet find._

He didn't find sleep and was shaking with exhaustion when Fenrir finally woke up.

* * *

_Author's note: Alright, I will apologize for the discomfort I might have caused with this chapter's violence. This is the reality of human trafficking. If you can, please donate to causes trying to put an end to it. SAGE and SAIS are good places to start. But most importantly, be careful whenever you travel. Especially if you are alone or a woman.  
_

_All quotes are by William Shakespeare. Notice the lovely literary allusions to the bard; the leitmotifs of water and fire; and the motif of sleep. You may heap upon me literary praise.  
_

_I promise that this story will get happier soon, everyone. I do not do sad endings._

_Thank you for reading, all my love.  
_


	5. Coming

**Coming

* * *

**

It was dark and damp in the den with the others. His pack mates were curled around him, some of them huddling together for warmth—others were unable to tolerate the smell so they buried their noses in their own skins.

No one's filth smells as good as your own.

Carol slept with a hoard of little ones tucked under her arms and nestled by her sides. She was the pack mother, the alpha female—though Remus would be skinned alive if she caught him thinking that.

Fenrir had fallen asleep with them, his massive body strewn over a tawny-haired waif of a girl. Lucy, if he remembered correctly. She wasn't any older than Remus.

The only one who didn't seem to be asleep was Jean. He was muttering to himself in garbled French and occasionally letting out whimpers of fear. Remus watched him for an infinite amount of moments before loping towards him, quietly, careful not to trample over the sleeping bodies.

"Are you alright?" Remus' hand barely grazed Jean's shoulder, but the boy flinched violently and nearly screamed. If his throat wasn't so dry, his scream might have carried.

"Leave me to myself, Monsieur Lupin."

"Remus."

"Remus." His name sounded funny on a French tongue.

"Are you alright, Jean?"

"Nightmare, Remus."

"About what?"

"_Les loup-garoux_."

"I would have nightmares too." Remus adjusted his legs so he was sitting next to Jean, but not close enough to touch. The hairs along his legs bristled when they came in contact with Jean's trousers. "I had many of them when I first came."

"Yes?"

"Mhmm, eventually I realized the worst thing they could do to me was hurt me. And I've tolerated pain before."

"So 'ave I, Remus."

Remus smiled affectionately. "I imagine you have. Do you know why you're here, Jean?"

Jean nodded, then bit his lip. "I shouldn't tell you, Remus."

"Why not?"

"I 'ave something important to ze Dark Lord. Something that the other side cannot 'ave."

Remus tilted his head, but tried to remain calm—as if he was handling an easily spooked horse. "Interesting." The waver in his voice hid against Remus' pounding heart. "Do you know what you have? Can you tell me what it is?"

"_Non_, Lupin. _Je ne peux pas_."

"You can't tell me." Remus scratched his head contemplatively. A cold draft wafted through the den and across Remus' naked skin. He shivered despite himself. He looked back to the small French boy. He was quietly kneading his knuckles and fretting his lip. "It's late, Jean. You should sleep." Remus stood up to leave.

"Monsieur Lupin?" A tiny hand fell on Remus' wrist and he paused. Jean's fingers were soft and moist with cold sweat. He was a child. Remus couldn't ever forget that.

"Remus, Jean. Remus."

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Is it better to die than do a very bad thing?"

A child who lived an adult's life. "What sort of bad thing?"

"Any bad thing."

"Will it hurt people?"

"A lot of people."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes, trying to find the strength to speak. "Yes, Jean." The words felt like poison molasses on his tongue. "Yes it is better to die than do a bad thing."

Jean nodded. "I thought so."

* * *

It was around midnight when a heavy pounding resounded on Sirius' door. James—who had spent the night there on Sirius' floor—groggily stood and staggered towards the door. The flat was littered with clothing and rubbish and the lingering scent of despair hung heavy in each room. Sirius had been in a bad state; James, Lily, and Peter had alternated looking after him.

It was getting to the point where the boy could barely rise from bed. At night, his dreams were feverish, desperate. He would scream out about dungeons and concave stomachs and bruises and golden eyes. During the day, Sirius was barely there at all. Oftentimes, James would catch Sirius talking to himself. Quietly, sorrowfully, but purposefully. Like the living dead. It broke his heart.

"_When's the boy going to realize that he's in love with Remus?"_

"_Shh, Sirius is in the next room! He could hear!"_

"_James, he's dead asleep. Besides, he's so heartbroken and lovesick he probably can't even understand us anymore."_

"_Lily, you can't make that kind of assumption…"_

"_But it's true, James. You know that. We both know it. We've known it since fourth year."_

"_Sirius isn't like us, Lily. And neither is Remus. The way they love is very different. It might not be romantic at all."_

"_That's bullshit, Potter, and you know it."_

"_Yeah, yeah I do."_

James opened the door a crack and groaned when he saw the face opposite him, looming in the darkness. A split of candlelight fell across that face and the expression turned mincing.

"Yes?"

"Spending the night are we?" Greyback raised the corners of his mouth. Something dark and crusting was on the edges of his lips. James hoped it wasn't blood. "I've come for Black's payment."

"Oh…" James took a step back and rustled through Sirius' secretary where he kept the small bag of money. "Yeah, here."

Greyback caught it with one hand and weighed it in his palm. "Feels light."

"It's not."

"You'd better hope so. I'll come back if it is."

"Fine."

"See you at Lestrange's on Tuesday." Greyback turned and started to skulk away.

In the next few moments, James should have kept his mouth shut, but he couldn't help himself. Sirius was in the other room, mumbling Remus' name into his pillow and Lily was alone and worried and, and and… He called out to Greyback. "Wait!"

The lycan turned, just barely. "What?"

"Will…will Lupin be there?"

Fenrir bared a line of yellowing teeth. "Perhaps. What's it to you, Potter?"

"I would like to place another—another bid on him."

"Mrs. Lestrange has him for that night."

"How much?"

"No price. Favor returned. You may have him another night, though."

"When?"

Fenrir smiled and James felt a lurch of revulsion. "Damaged or undamaged?"

James shivered. He knew what Greyback meant. "Can we have him after Bellatrix?"

"We?"

"Sirius and I."

"No gang-bangs." Something malicious struck in Fenrir's eyes, something primal and protective. It might have been more endearing in another set of eyes. Here, it was simply repulsive. "Observers are acceptable."

"Yes."

Fenrir grunted. "An hour after. You two will have to stick around. She don't have a time limit. Twenty galleons each for an hour. Fifty each for ten, but he won't stay real awake for that long."

"Alright."

Greyback grinned. "Goodnight, Potter."

James nodded and closed the door, a disgusting taste lingered in his mouth, but he did his best to ignore it.

* * *

Lily came around noon to join James and Sirius and make them some food. She found James sitting in the kitchen smelling of strong tea and stale breath.

She kissed him lightly on the cheek and he smiled up at her. A shadow of stubble dripped along his jaw and his hair was messy in a way that it usually wasn't. It was greasy and slightly manic in appearance. He didn't look as if he'd just stepped off a broom. He didn't look dashing and tough. He looked like a tired man whose best friend was slowly losing his mind.

"I'm glad you're here, love."

"Where's Sirius?"

"In the bedroom."

"Go take a shower and I'll put some toast in for you. Would you like beans?"

"No, s'alright. Go look after Padfoot first, he's in bad shape."

Lily nodded and went back towards Sirius' room. Instantly she smelled an unwashed body, wet with feverish sweat.

"Sirius?"

He was rolled up in the blankets of his bed, a hand curled around the neck of his top—as if he thought it would strangle him. The other hand was around his wand, which would occasionally fizzle with a few stray sparks, but ultimately remained benign. The scene would have been funny in its wretchedness, if it weren't so sad.

Lily tried again, this time sitting on the bed. "Sirius?"

He rolled over sharply, the wand in his hand squealing with pent-up magic. When he saw it was Lily, his face relaxed slightly. But there was still a half mad look in his eyes that Lily hadn't seen before and never wanted to see again.

"S'my fault."

"What is?"

"I was gonna tell 'm tha' day."

"Tell who?"

"Moony. I was gonna pull 'm aside an' try an' tell 'm...everythin'. But when I saw 'm slip away, I did nothing…I was too scared…I wan'ed more time ta think…I was gonna tell 'm. I was going to tell him."

Lily pulled him against her chest and an empty bottle of firewhiskey slipped from the covers to the floor. "Shh, it's not your fault."

Sirius merely sobbed in response. Lily had forgotten that for all his pureblood charm and arrogance, Sirius could completely melt away and leave nothing but a child behind. She couldn't deny it terrified her. She'd only seen it once before and heard of similar outbreaks through James.

"Sirius, please. This isn't…we'll get him back. Then you can tell him."

Sirius cried for a few more minutes. Outside the sky was the color of childhood and the sun hung in the sky as if it were too swollen to stay suspended. There was entirely too much light for the day outside.

Inside, there was not enough.

* * *

James decided not to tell Sirius about the deal he had made with Greyback until the day of. This was partially for his own sanity, as Sirius was likely to badger and fret until Tuesday evening where he would work himself into a complete frenzy. This way, Sirius would only have few hours to build up a panic which would be considerably less formidable than a week's worth of panic.

After James informed Sirius of the night's events, Lily had pulled him aside and they had a long stretch of conversation outside of James' earshot. Through eavesdropping, James could only catch a handful of words, none of them particularly meaningful except Remus' name.

As expected, Sirius was a wreck walking into the party. James had slipped some Calming Draught to him earlier, but it seemed to do very little. James had to seize his friend's arm to keep him from shaking himself into convulsions.

"Mate, calm down," he hissed as they entered the parlor, "everyone is staring at you."

"Sorry," he mumbled back. "I'm nervous."

"I can tell."

They made it to the dining room and sat at the table, Sirius shaking the entire while. He continued to shake and stutter until Bellatrix and her husband sauntered into the room.

The change was frightening. Within a matter of moments, Sirius straightened and adopted a hard edge to his eyes. He waited until Bellatrix saw him before he stood and quirked a fearsome smile.

"Good evening, cousin." He nodded his head towards her husband. "Rodolphus."

"My darling cousin!" She pressed a kiss on either side of his mouth and dug her nails into his arms. "You made it. Odd, considering that rumour tells you've been...preoccupied since our last gathering."

"I'm afraid I was ill."

"Shame." Rodolphus intoned.

"Indeed. Will you stay for a while after supper?" Bellatrix surveyed him carefully, eager to suck any sort of reaction from her cousin.

"Yes."

"Oh, that's right." She smiled cruelly. "Greyback tells me you've the whore after me. I'll try to be quick of it."

James stood suddenly and grabbed his friend's arm. "You needn't worry about our comfort, Mrs Lestrange. Though, I do believe that we should be getting to the meal. It's already late."

Sirius went with his friend quietly and remained quiet throughout the dinner despite Bellatrix's constant goading.

"I can't thank you enough for your contribution the other week, Mr Greyback. It was quite humorous."

Dolohov looked at Bellatrix quizzically. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

"His little dancer. Quite the treat."

"I found him wholly unattractive."

"Cissy, he was nothing of the sort. Though he was over-dressed."

"Any less dressed would have been garish, Bella."

"Fair enough. But I personally cannot wait for _more_."

"I'll see to arrange it, Mrs Lestrange."

"Call me Bellatrix, Fenrir."

James looked carefully over to Sirius who was stoically staring at the wall behind Bellatrix. He hadn't touched his food.

* * *

_Author's Note: I am terribly, terribly sorry for the wait. My computer completely crashed and wouldn't open any files or the internet, rendering it impossible for me to post this chapter. I have a PC and it is really difficult to get these things repaired here--it seems that Europeans really hate Microsoft._

_At any rate, I am sorry and will try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Thank you for reading!  
_


	6. Going

**Going

* * *

**_Warning: mild violence_

* * *

Remus shuddered against the cold. He had woken up wholly naked and unable to move save his eyes. From what he could see, he was in another basement fashioned after a dungeon. He hadn't been in this one before, but he couldn't be sure of that observation; it was too dark to see properly.

He couldn't swivel his head, but he had been laid stomach down with his head turned sideways so he could see the door rimmed by light. If he held his breath and listened hard he could hear the distant sound of muted laughter and idle conversation punctuated by the occasional tinkling of glass.

A dinner party.

Remus inhaled deeply in an attempt to smell the food or the people or something—anything—to hint to where he was.

All he could smell was the sooty odor of a torch burning and his own musky, un-bathed scent. He inhaled harder and then it hit him.

Bellatrix Lestrange. Descending down the stairs in a smoky haze of sadism and strong perfume, filled with dark intention.

Remus sighed heavily and closed his eyes, too tired to even muster fear when the door swung open and he was released from _petrificus totalus_.

He sat up gingerly, trying not to stretch his unused muscles too much. He winced when Bellatrix kicked his side with the point of her heel.

"Get up, half-breed."

He looked up at his abuser. Her eyes were dark bruises on skull-colored skin, her hair a mass of black curls. She smiled. Softly, slowly, shakily, he stood. She pushed him over with her foot on his back. He stood again.

He smiled up at her. "Hello, Bella."

His shaking legs gave out with a flick of her wand. He didn't sob or scream, instead sighed and waited for it to be over.

* * *

Upstairs, a few guests still lingered in the dining hall. Fenrir Greyback sat next to Antonin Dolohov, Rodolphus Lestrange, and a few other choice members.

"You are taking a bit of a risk. This you do realize, correct?"

"I never gamble what I can't steal back." Greyback grinned for effect, his line of yellow teeth too thin for his mouth bared.

Antonin recoiled in disgust. "I do not care for your tastes."

"You don't have to," countered Rosier, "all that matters is that we eliminate as many of them as possible, yes? I won't pretend to suppose that you care whose bed the beast eventually sleeps in."

"There's no need to be crude."

Rodolphus poured more wine for Dolohov. "What do you _suggest_ we do now, wolf?"

"Wait."

"I loathe waiting."

* * *

Sirius and James were sitting in the hall that led up to the base floor's entrance. James was quietly shooting sparks into the stone floor, alternating colours at random in an attempt to distract both himself and Sirius.

Sirius stared at the sparks dully, but James had the feeling he wasn't seeing anything.

A scream startled them out of their anxious haze. It was abruptly cut off and a high-pitched giggle trailed after it. There was dead silence for a solid five seconds before Remus screamed again, this time in words.

"Please. No more."

Sirius winced, but didn't move otherwise. James twisted in his chair to look at the big, cedar door. There was no hint that anything diabolical was occurring behind it.

"_Please_."

James bit his lip and continued to shoot sparks. They grew in size and intensity.

"I…I can't. Pl-plea-please. I ca—"

Remus' "can't" lost its structure and it rose into a desperate howl of pain before ending suddenly.

* * *

"Scream, wolf."

Remus bit his lip and blood poured from where the skin broke. He whimpered when the spark of her wand touched his skin.

"Scream, pretty thing, scream."

She furled her thin fingers through his hair and brought their faces together. Remus tried to look her in the eyes and succeeded until she twisted her fist sharply. This time he gave a rasping moan of pain.

"_Please_."

"Good boy." She nipped at his nose. "You may have your reward now."

Remus screamed when her wand touched his skin. He unintelligibly pleaded with her, until a soothing darkness overtook him.

* * *

A few minutes later, Bella came out wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. It came away with a smear of red. Sirius glared at her hand as if it was the devil.

"He's all yours, boyos."

James tugged Sirius back despite his own urge to rip the hair out of Bella's mean little head.

Inside, Remus was conscious and pulled up against the corner. He was sitting with his back straight and knees curled up against his chest. His eyes were open, dead looking. When James and Sirius entered, they flickered up and the life re-entered his face.

"James," he whispered and tried to stand. But his left shin seemed to be splintered--white bone breaking through in parts of his skin--and he ended up falling to his side.

James ran to him and pressed the point of his wand to the broken bone, healing it instantly. "Moony."

"James," he whispered again, this time half in sob, "Sirius."

Sirius smiled and walked tentatively from the door. "Y'alright?"

Remus' eyes blacked out again. "I can't do it anymore. I can't."

Sirius crouched down and looped an arm over Remus' shoulder. "I know, Moony."

"No," Remus slapped away Sirius' arm and scuttled farther into the corner, "Don't touch me! Don't _touch me_!" His eyes were blank and unseeing.

The look on Sirius' face made James' heart break into three even pieces: one for Sirius, one for Remus, and one for himself.

"Moony…Remus…it's me, it's just me."

Remus was crying now. Desperately. James had never seen Remus Lupin cry before. Ever. "I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't. I can't." He looked up to James, who was now closest to him. "I can't, James. Please, please, don't make me."

"It'll be okay—"

Remus shook his head so hard that James was afraid there would be brain damage. "James, please. Make it stop."

"We will, Moony, we will."

In one fluid motion, Remus had seized the collar of James' robe and was shaking him. "Please. End it now. I can't…kill me. Kill me now, please. Please, please. I can't do it anymore. Please, please kill me."

James shook his head. "No, I won't do that."

Remus shoved him away, revolted. His eyes lit on Sirius. "Please," he said quietly, "please, I don't have a wand or I'd do it myself."

Sirius looked at Remus with wide, frightened eyes. "Moony, I—"

"Please, Sirius. Please, please, please kill me."

Sirius was crying now as he pulled Remus into his arms despite the werewolf's struggling. "Moony, I can't."

Remus went limp against Sirius' chest. "Please," he muttered senselessly, "just make it stop. It hurts so badly. Please, please, please. No more."

Sirius gave a look to James and raised his wand with a slow and shaking hand. James' eyes grew wide and he shook his head 'no.'

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Sirius bit his bottom lip and pulled Remus closer to his chest. "Hold my hand, Moony."

Remus, like a child, wrapped his delicate fingers around Sirius' palm. Sirius closed his eyes and lifted his wand higher, into full magic position.

James stood up now. "Sirius, what the hell? Are you out of your fucking mind? Put the wand down."

"Sirius?" Remus said weakly, no longer sobbing but now so tired he sounded faint. "Will it be over now?"

"Yes, it ends now."

James lurched for Sirius' wand, but didn't make it in time. The spell was cast.

* * *

_Author's Note: The next one will be up soon. If you don't like the choppy style of this chapter, I'm sorry. Trying a new technique. Happy Easter or Passover or Wear Watercress on Your Head Day or whatever..._

_(Just a rough estimate, but I'm guessing three more chapters.)  
_


	7. Home

**Home**

* * *

Remus smiled and allowed the wafting sensation of Sirius' warmth envelope him completely. He couldn't recall the last time that someone had held him, embraced him without any edge of malice. He pressed his face into Sirius' chest and could feel his heartbeat pat-patting against his lips. He inhaled deeply.

_This is what human smells like_.

Remus hummed his agreement with the wolf, unable to get enough of Sirius' earthy human scent.

_This is what home smells like._

Not home. There is no home anymore.

_Liar._

Sirius shifted and gave a rough, rasping sound that resembled a partial cough. It would be over soon. The horrible stinging in his chest from heartache. The nightly abuse. The insurmountable weight of dread and coldness. Over.

Over. When the wolf echoed it, it sounded less comforting.

A surge of magic lifted the edges of his too-long hair, but--instead of a flash of green light and the blooming oasis of death--he was greeted with a myriad of foreign smells and flickering light behind his eyelids. Something like wind ghosted over his shoulders and his bare feet sunk into damp earth. He jerked away from Sirius, fisting his shredded robe against his chest.

James was standing a few feet away, shell shocked by Sirius' sudden apparation. His mouth was gaping open like a fish's and he was staring at Sirius as if he had suddenly sprouted horns and clefted feet.

"The front lawn..." Remus whipped around to Sirius when he recognized the smell of their surroundings. The high gate and shuttered windows. The barren garden tingling with a cocktail of magic. "Moody's? You apparated us right into the heart of The Order?"

Sirius wasn't looking at Remus. Instead he was looking ahead dumbly, as if hypnotized by something was an odd curling smile over his face, amused by something unknown.

Remus gripped the collar of Sirius' shirt in his free hand and shook him. "Are you_ insane_? Do you have a _death wish_? The Lestranges have all sorts of charms that can lead your spell back to here. They'll have immediate access to Moody, god _damnit_. Do you ever think?"

Slowly, leisurely, Sirius looked down at Remus and smiled warmly. A stray hand wandered up to his friend's gaunt face and stroked a knuckle over the sharp jawline. "You look so sick, Moony...you should rest."

"Sirius, take me back now." It was like their days at Hogwarts, magnified by the pressure of death instead of Filch.

The aristocratic brow furrowed. "Take you back? No, you're here now." His hand moved up to Remus' hair and pushed it from his eyes. "You're safe."

"They'll come for me! When Bella goes down to see me missing they'll trace the apparation spell right back to here. Take. Me. Back." When Sirius made no move to comply, Remus lunged forward to try and seize his wand. "_NOW_."

Sirius caught Remus' wrists and turned to James, who was still gaping openly. "Prongsy, go tell Mad Eye that we're here. Explain that we may have company. Yes?"

James shook his head, beginning to come back to functioning. "Sirius, take him back."

"Tell him now, James. I'll handle it."

James looked skeptical, but the steel in Sirius' eyes propelled him to go through the iron gate and up to Moody's house. Sirius watched him go calmly, but immediately turned back to Remus--who looked a great deal as if he were about to explode from rage and confusion.

"Shall we go elsewhere?"

Remus squirmed away and reassembled his tatty robe. "Yes."

Sirius smiled pleasantly, apparently oblivious to Remus' anger. "Where?"

"Back to the Lestrange's." Remus was glaring openly now, unable to contain himself.

Sirius shook his head and strands of black hair fell into his eyes. "No can do, Moony. The Lestranges have protection charms up for uninvited apparations."

"Then you're asking for a fight," Remus sighed. Like ice under heat, Remus melted and withered before Sirius' eyes, "Over me. I'm not worth this, Sirius. They'll bring everyone. The Order...couldn't possibly be ready for this."

"Wars," Sirius began slowly, "Have battles. This one will be no different."

Remus shivered and looked around Moody's barren lawn. They were the only living souls for miles and miles. Above them, a gray storm churned like nausea in the sky. Sirius considered slinging an arm around Remus to keep him warm, but was interrupted by Remus' dialogue. "I'm not sure that Alastor will be pleased with this battle being on his lawn...or over me for that matter."

"Mad Eye wanted you back just as badly as we did. He'll be grateful you're alive."

Remus rubbed his face tiredly. "You should have just killed me."

A sharp pain exploded over his left cheek, the sound of Sirius' palm colliding with his skin echoing sharply. Sirius' eyes were like ice when they glared down at Remus. "Don't ever say that again."

Remus recognized the flash of fury in Sirius' eyes that always indicated a maelstrom. But today was the sort of day for bad weather. At the moment, Remus wanted it. Welcomed it. "And why the hell not? You should have."

Sirius' fists balled at his sides. "Don't you say that again, Lupin."

"You should have killed me! Then we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Shut up!" Sirius stepped closer, leaning forward in a way that suggested he would hit Remus again.

Remus held his ground. "Why the hell should I?"

"Because I would never kill you!"

"But you should have."

Sirius' nostrils flared. "Shut. Up."

"Make me."

The next moments were moments that Remus could never remember clearly and that Sirius could never forget. A rough hand seized the back of Remus' head, white fingers twisted around golden hair, and Remus was hurtled forward and his lips pressed too hard against Sirius'. Mouths opened, teeth ground together, and the spear of tongues and breaths had both members out of breath.

Remus pulled away for air and blinked up at Sirius, a scowl lingering on his mouth and the twist of confusion wrinkling his brow. Sirius was panting heavily and giving the oddest of expressions to Remus: a heady mix of sheer anger and complete adoration.

Remus lifted his hand and touched Sirius' lips gingerly. The scowl quickly faded to soft awe and the confusion into gentle understanding. Sirius closed his eyes and kissed his fingertips.

"You should have told me," he whispered after a long silence.

"I should have."

"Why didn't you?"

"You disappeared. I thought you were dead."

"So what now?"

"We go inside. Moody will be furious, but he knew this was coming. Everyone did. We'll fight. Win eventually and--"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then y--what did you mean?"

Remus' hand fell down Sirius' chin, neck, to his chest. "About you," the hand clenching his robe together flattened over his own heart, "and me?"

Before Sirius' lips could part, the front door swung open violently and a gruff looking Alastor Moody was staring out at them. "C'mon, you two. There are thing to figure out." His severe expression softened minutely. "Good t'see you alive, Lupin."

* * *

_Author's Note: this message brought to you by my insomnia. And the letter "A."_

_Can the death threats stop now? Am I safe to wander the streets? *laughs* Perhaps if I'm not killed there will be some smut. Would you like that?_

_Thanks for reading guys.  
_


	8. Wild Thyme

**Wild Thyme**

* * *

God damn it. Fresh clothes felt good. Really, really good; so good Remus figured he would change twice—no—three times a day. Moody's clothes were big around the waist—until James shrunk them for him—and smelled slightly like smoke and ashes, but they were clean and soft against his skin. And warm. He had forgotten what it was like to be warm.

But despite the woolly jumper, Remus shivered. It was shocking to see the familiar faces assemble in Moody's dining room. Molly Weasley rushed around him, promising an assortment of fattening foods and screaming affectionate obscenities. Lily followed in similar fashion, except she couldn't get a word in through her sobbing. She just kept blubbering something that sounded like, "thought you were dead," and, "you are never to do that again Remus Lupin," and something about being her maid of honour.

All the while, Sirius gripped Remus' elbow protectively. While more members of The Order popped into Moody's home, the pair sat quietly at the corner of the table. Remus gnawed nervously at his knuckle.

"Why haven't they come yet?"

Sirius squeezed Remus elbow. "The Death Eaters?"

Remus nodded, staring blankly ahead.

"More likely than not, they're assembling."

Remus nodded again, starting when someone sat next to him. He smiled faintly when he realized it was Peter.

"Good to have you back, Moony!" Peter's thick arms wrapped around Remus' shoulders and Remus flinched from the contact, going rigid. Peter pulled back before Sirius pulled him off. "What's wrong, Moony?"

Remus was visibly shaking now as Sirius rubbed gentle circles around his back. "Nothing, Peter. I am fine. Just…adjusting."

Sirius squeezed Remus' elbow again, just for good measure. There was a fraction of him that felt badly for the hurt look on Peter's face. Another was just glad Remus allowed Sirius to touch him.

"Remus," Sirius muttered quietly, "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Absolutely not," Moody's voice said, taking his place at the table. "Lupin's to stay right where he's at."

In a flash, Sirius turned his murderous glare to Moody. "He's an emotional train wreck crashing towards a mental breakdown. What're you playing at?"

Moody glared right back, but Remus answered for him. "I'd make a good bargaining tool, Sirius."

"Like fuck you would."

"Mr Black, for Merlin's sake be reasonable!"

"Minerva, I'm not sure that Sirius isn't being—"

"Black is completely out of line and—"

"Oh yes, because tossing Remus to Greyback to appease them is completely reasonable!"

A crack of red sparks sliced through the air from Moody's wand. The gathering of wizards turned, except Sirius who had been sparring with Frank Longbottom and continued to glare across the table. Moody lowered his wand and raised an eyebrow. "Dumbledore isn't here to coddle you lot, so I'm going to tell you this plain and simple: because of the combined stupidity of our younger front—"

"I did nothing! Sirius pulled me into—"

"Shut your mouth, Potter. Because of recent miscalculations it seems that we've an obligation here to prepare for some sort o' major battle. I'm not too thrilled with it being on my lawn, Mr Black, but its certainly easier being on our own territory. Now let me get this clear. We are not bargaining with Lupin's life. So that means no trading with Fenrir and no leavin' him unprotected somewhere else. He'll be here. Now that tha's settled, I want you all to shut up for one fucking second and listen to the plan…"

* * *

Moody watched Black and Lupin carefully. He had paired Black with the Potter boy not only because they fought well together, but because it would do Lupin some good to get away from Black; if his trembling hands and muted expression of panic was any indication.

"Damn it," Moody grumbled to himself, "do I wish Albus were here." He hobbled his way over to where Lupin, flanked by Black, was carefully considering Moody's spare wand.

He looked up when he heard Moody's staggered gait thump towards them. His smile was weak and delicate, looking as if it were made from spun glass and—if Moody breathed too hard—it would shatter to the floor.

"Hello, Alastor. Thank you for lending me the wand."

Black had a furrow in his brow that shadowed over his flickering eyes, paying more attention to the wand than he could afford to give.

"Don't mention it," he said gruffly, then to Black, "Why aren't you with yer partner? This is battle we're preparing for, not some namby-pamby tea with some friends. Get on it, boy!"

Black didn't move. He was no longer gripping Remus' arm like a last tendril to life, but his shoulder blade brushed that of Lupin's.

"NOW!"

Black's eye twitched, but turned sharply to where James was helping Prewett set up wards. Lupin watched him go with an expression that wasn't entirely foreign to Moody. He sighed and turned back to the older man.

"This is just for show, isn't it?" he swished the wand in the air for demonstration, "I'm not really going to use this at all am I?"

"Not with that wand-grip, you're not. Merlin, boy, you really lost your touch haven't you?"

Lupin didn't even flinch. "Yes, it seems I have."

Moody tilted his head back, approval coursing through him. "I did see y'and Black in the lawn."

Lupin's eyes flinched towards Black, but he retrained his focus immediately. "I should hope so. Constant vigilance, if I remember correctly."

Although he wanted to, Moody didn't laugh. "Y'are going to go out there. Even though your grip's a mess, I can tell you still remember. You've never been stupid."

This time Lupin's smile was less fragile. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm sending you to an early death. If not today then later." Moody adjusted his weight so it was off his bad knee. He considered a painting on his wall. "You've always fought alone, Lupin." His eyes coasted back to his former pupil. "That's why I bring up you and Black."

"I know, sir. And it won't—"

"Let me finish. You've always fought alone, even when there were others available to have your back. We always said it was because you were naturally more aware than most of us. I guess there's partial truth in that. But you know why you really always fought alone?"

"Why, sir?"

"'Cause you had no one else to fight for. Live for."

Here Lupin's carefully guarded emotions slipped. "I disagree. My friends…"

"…you would die for, I know, I know. But would you live for them?"

Lupin sank back into reverent silent. Good. Moody was teaching here and the boy needed to listen.

"Exactly. You'd die for anybody in a heartbeat, because then your life meant nothing. Now you realize it does. If you die today, you're taking Black with you. I'll not be losing two because one decided to be a martyr, understood?"

"Yes, sir." Lupin's cheeks were slightly flushed. Moody nodded

Moody smiled and straightened. Simultaneously, a smattering of wards went off. "Good, because we've got tea guests."

* * *

The line of Lily's mouth was hard. She gripped her wand hard enough to turn her knuckles white. Remus looked over to her from across Lily's partner, Alice. "Are you alright?"

"Angry. Can't wait to jam a spell down Bella's throat."

Remus chuckled and sniffed the gust of wind. "They aren't here yet."

Fabian Prewett looked over his brother to Remus. "Have they even apparated within the area?"

Moody responded for Remus. "The wards went off, they're here."

"Then why can't Lupin smell them?" Fabian was near the front of the line and he shifted from foot to foot, so slowly that it seemed as if the world was shifting below them.

Moody shrugged. "Don't matter, does it?" Another surge of magic sprung through the air. "That's the second ward. One more and they'll be able to apparate right here. Wands at the ready."

The third ward went off, setting everyone tense. Remus was the first to realize they'd arrived when a hex burned the side of his face. Chaos erupted immediately. The usual symphony of red and green hexes flung through the air, searing everything in their paths. The masked Death Eaters descended.

And somewhere between the spells and hexes, the broken noses, the cries of pain, Remus felt himself click back into reality. Perhaps it was the grainy feel of a wand tingling with magic in his hand. Maybe it was seeing James and Sirius back to back out of the corner of his eye. Maybe it was smelling something other than sex and decay for once.

But he was home.

* * *

Sirius realized instantly that something was about to happen. Something bad. His instinct told him to look up the hill behind Moody's house.

With a sinking feeling of dread, Sirius' eyes widened. He had known the Death Eater numbers were too few.

Down the hill came a wave of unmasked soldiers, Fenrir Greyback in the dead center. Sirius' eyes flickered to their hands—only Greyback had a wand.

James screamed out behind him, "Incoming!" and half the Order turned, firing shots when the realized what was going to happen. A few werewolves fell, but the numbers were high enough to protect them. The pack poured from the sides.

Sirius was about to turn to be certain that Remus was okay, when the werewolf in question barreled past him.

"Remus, no!"

Too late. He was in the melee, flinging away his opponents with his wand. He disappeared within a few moments, lost in the pack.

A hex whirred by Sirius' ear when a masked woman—Bellatrix undoubtedly—fired a shot at him. A high pitched giggle. An exchange of hexes. The Death Eaters multiplied around them, blocking James and Sirius from the others.

Instantly, the pair knew what they were doing. "Cut a hole in front of you," James hissed over his shoulder to Sirius, "Break through the minute you can. Get Remus then get out."

Sirius nodded.

* * *

There was one thing that Remus had in mind. Singularly. And that was taking Fenrir down. For all the fear he held for Fenrir, there was nothing but anger fueling him forward. He peeled away layers of his former pack like the petals of flowers. When his eyes lit on Fenrir, he growled in pure feral anger.

From his left, something barreled into him. Carol. "Don' do it, Lupin. He'll kill ya."

Remus ripped her arms off of him and threw himself over the body of Greyback, tackling him to the ground.

Fenrir looked up at him with yellow eyes. "Hello there, cub. Thought you'd come back." He smiled. "I'm afraid the wards around here will prevent us from leaving the premises, but let's go somewhere quieter, shall we?"

With a pop, they had apparated.

* * *

Something was wrong. Even as Sirius tore through the pack of thinning werewolves, he knew that something was wrong. When Fenrir Greyback was nowhere to be found he panicked. He seized a scruffy looking werewolf that seemed to be made only of bones.

"Where'd they go?"

"Who?"

"Fenrir and…Lupin."

He shook his head. "Dunno, apparated, I fink. Now let me go."

Sirius stunned him and desperately spread a tracking charm down. He followed it into Moody's house, wand poised.

* * *

Remus did what he had to: panicked. Instinctively he cast expelliarmus, but Greyback was prepared for that and fired his own spell. The dual impact forced both of their wands to skitter away.

"It's time to go home now, cub."

"I am home." Remus seized the back of Fenrir's coat and dragged him to the floor. He leapt off of Greyback's body and took off towards his wand. Fenrir outstretched a clawed hand and dragged Remus back by his ankle.

"Not so fast, cub." With one massive hand he pressed Remus' scrambling arms down. "Wouldn't you like to know about your friend?"

"Carol can take care of herself."

"I was referring to Jean."

Remus stilled. "What the fuck did you do to him?"

"Language, cub." Fenrir pulled himself over Remus' body so he was squatting over his hips. He traced rough circles over Remus' jaw. "I thought I taught you better than that."

"What'd you do to him?"

"Nothing. It's what he did to himself, cub."

Remus looked up at him, shell-shocked. "He…"

"Threw himself off the fucking warehouse. Shame too. He would have made a decent pack member."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "Why was he so important anyways?"

"He wasn't. You were to feed information about him to your friends."

Remus opened his eyes. "He was a plant?"

"Yes."

"To moderate how much contact I had with the outer world."

"A bit."

Remus closed his eyes again, this time to keep from crying. "So he died for no reason?"

"Probably. If he hadn't have killed himself we might have gotten something out of him. Or maybe if you'd stuck around."

"I killed him." Numbness spread from his spine to his limbs and fingers. A heavy tingling that seemed to replace the blood and air in his body. He barely felt it when Fenrir unbuttoned his shirt and parted it.

"Ah cub, yes. Yes you did." Fenrir dipped down to sink his tongue into the scratch across Remus' neck. He moaned in satisfaction.

Greyback was suddenly and violently torn off of Remus' body and flung across the room. Dumbly, Remus sat up to see what had happened.

Sirius, frothing with rage and huffing, fired another shot from the door and then charged across the room.

"You fucking bastard, I'm going to rip your lungs out and feed them to you through your goddamn ass."

Greyback twisted around and seized his own wand. Sirius shot across the room and into the wall. Several of Moody's picture frames clattered to the ground. He had lifted his wand when Greyback hit him again.

"_Crucio._"

A high pitched keen of pain. Then it stopped. Greyback laughed with feline glee when Sirius tried to stagger towards his wand. A game of cat and mouse. Then again, "_Crucio_." And it stopped to make room for the explosion of laughter. Again. Stopped.

"_Petrificus totalus._"

Tired and numb, Remus watched Fenrir fall to the ground under his wand. His eyes were wary and cold as he surveyed Greyback. "No more yielding than a dream..."

He looked up to Sirius, who was already walking off the pain in his muscles.

"Let's go home, Sirius." He extended a hand. "I know a place where the wild thyme grows…"

Sirius smiled and took his hand.

* * *

_Author's Note: Remus' last two lines are Shakespeare, of course. But we're not done yet, mates. I've still got some lovely smut lined up for you._

_Oh, and just a small note: I hate writing action-packed-battle scenes. A lot. A lot a lot. But I do like writing smut. Next chapter's the last. Just as planned.  
_


	9. Eglantine

**Eglantine**

**

* * *

**

He was staring again. The wide rolling fields of green under the stretch of impossibly blue sky seemed surreal. Sirius wondered if it was a mistake taking Remus here. The green and flora seemed to overwhelm him at first. He spent a few days just sitting at the window sill, jaw slack, digits trembling.

But there was nothing that could surpass the look on Remus' face when he went outside for the first time. Felt the passing breeze rolling off the lake. Smelled the perfume of wildflowers waft around him. Soaked up the sunshine that beamed from the sky. Ran.

Perhaps Sirius had forgotten—or maybe he had never known—but Remus loved to run more than he remembered. Great, loping strides that not even Padfoot could keep up with. And he laughed as if the whole world wasn't enough to contain it, but he might as well fill it.

After one of these gay runs, Remus collapsed in a bed of pink flowers, giggling madly. Sirius transformed and lied next to him.

"It was nice of Alice to let us borrow her cottage for the summer." Remus pulled one of the flowers and twirled its delicate stem around his finger.

Sirius smiled and nodded, watching in quiet rapture as Remus fiddled with the eglantine.

"Thanks for bringing me here."

"Anything for you."

Remus blushed as pink as his rumpled flower. He pulled the petals individually from the center, frowning when he dropped the fourth and final petal.

"What's wrong?"

"Sirius? Are we…never mind. I'm being a girl."

"We already knew you were a girl. That time in fourth year confirmed it."

Remus blushed angrily. "That was James' doing and you know that."

"Oh, I know, I know." Sirius grinned over at his friend. "But I must say you looked quite fetching in that dress."

Remus' face exploded in a pink glow and he dropped back to the ground, flinging an arm over his warm face. Sirius chuckled and rolled over so he was half crouching over Remus.

"Oh, Moony was the prettiest girl at the ball!"

Remus' skin went from pink to a flushing and vibrant red. "Shut up!"

"All the boys wanted to dance with her!"

Remus laughed and tackled Sirius. He pressed Sirius' shoulders to the ground. "Who's the girl around here?"

"You, Miss Pansy Poofter of the Venerable House of Wank!" Sirius scrambled around his friend. "Ouch, that hurt!"

"If I'm a girl, then you're losing to a girl. That just makes you pathetic."

Sirius did manage to get the upper hand and held Remus by his hair until the other admitted that he was, in fact, the girl around here and—no—Sirius was not pathetic.

"Good." Sirius grinned and released Remus' scalp. He paused for a moment, looming over his friend, before rolling away.

He heard Remus sigh and sink back into the grass. Sirius stared up at the passing clouds. It seemed that the incident in Moody's garden had gone by completely unnoticed. Or, at least, they were going to pretend it never happened.

Since they'd gotten to Alice's cottage in southern England, it had been as if they were just school boys. Rough-housing. Burning beans and toast. Occasionally James and Peter would stop by and they'd romp through the fields.

Not that Sirius wasn't appreciative; this was Remus' only chance to catch up on the threads of adolescence he missed. Remus was nearing twenty now, but he'd never gotten a chance at being on the cusp of age. He went from a fresh seventeen to older than numbers. Now, in between the cracks of growing up, Remus could be seventeen as he was meant to be. It was an illicit, forbidden sort of joy that no one but Sirius got to experience.

But, on days like these, where Remus' body heat seemed to replace that of even the sun's, Sirius wanted only to wrap his arms around Remus and snog him into oblivion. Friendship be damned.

Afterall, had he learned nothing from his last missed chance? Remus was a commodity. A rarity that could be swept away like a candle flame.

"Remus?" he asked at the exact time Remus enquired, "Sirius?"

The two blushed at their simultaneity. "Yeah, Padfoot?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment, thinking. "Do you like it here?"

Remus laughed, "Of course." His eyes scanned the scenery. "It's beautiful."

"I mean, do you like being here…with me?"

Remus smiled. "Pads, you're my best friend."

Sirius nodded, unsmiling. "I like being here with you."

"I'm glad." Remus looked away, suddenly preoccupied by something in the sky.

"Remus?"

He snapped back into attention, surprising Sirius with the intensity of his expression. "Yes?"

"Close your eyes."

Perhaps two years ago, Remus would have been wary of a toad in his trousers or some other ill-planned joke. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have even blinked had he feared being in danger.

But here? Here, he simply let his eyes flutter closed.

Sirius took a deep breath in, a roaring sound in his own ears punctuated by the desperate thump-thump of his heart and covered Remus' mouth with his own. He squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to open them and see Remus' reaction. He felt Remus stiffen with surprise, eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbones. Then, like magic, Remus melted back into the grass and let Sirius all around him.

Electricity coursed through Sirius and he stretched his body over Remus', savouring the way the planes of their bodies fit together. He felt as if he was desperately thirsty and Remus held all the water behind his lips. Sirius' intrepid tongue dove into Remus' pliant mouth, searching for that water. For more, for more, for more.

Remus gasped and turned his head for air. His skin was a lovely shade of pink, cheeks flushed a pleasant crimson. Between his pants, he managed to breathe, "I thought I'd dreamt it."

"No," Sirius leaned down and peppered his face with kisses, letting his tongue flick out to taste the salt of Remus' skin, "but if it is, please don't wake up."

"I won't."

Sirius kissed his nose grandly and laughed when Remus' face scrunched up. "I've wanted to do this since…forever."

"You always had a flair for hyperbole."

"No, I was going to tell you…but you—"

"Sirius," Remus shook his head. Sirius couldn't help but notice how his tangle of hair caught blades of grass. His hair and arms and clothes fanned out across the grass like a fallen, rumpled angel. "Does it matter?"

"This isn't to get my rocks off, Moony. I…" Sirius' tongue got caught up in his throat.

"You?"

"I fucking love you."

Remus laughed: a quiet sound like rain. "You would put it that way, Sirius."

"I just did."

Remus pressed a kiss on the edge of Sirius' chin. "I've always loved you, you sop."

A perfect moment passed then, as if recalling a distant fatality that ruined everything, Sirius winced. "We don't have to do this…if you don't want…"

"Don't be an idiot, Sirius." Remus sighed and closed his eyes. He leaned back so his throat was bare. When he smiled, the tendons in his neck shifted and flexed. "You should know by now that I want you to shag me."

Sirius' eyes were blown out with lust. "Hoped you'd say that."

And he threw himself down over Remus, kiss hard enough to make their teeth click. Remus laughed around the kiss and twisted his fingers through Sirius' mane of black hair and tugged. He tugged, hard, urging Sirius closer to him. Obligingly, Sirius relaxed his arms and settled for covering Remus completely.

To be fair, Sirius had only snogged a handful of people—only two of them blokes—and therefore didn't have much base to form an opinion. But, from what he heard, a good kiss was constituted of three things: 1. Tongue to lip ratio, 2. Adequate amount of action going on below the belt, and 3. The fizzy feeling of complete exhilaration and contentment to be there.

It was a fucking fantastic kiss.

"Fuck, Moony." Sirius pulled back and surveyed Remus. The ends of Remus' tawny hair tickled Sirius' wrists where his hands were planted beside his head. "I, uh…" he tried futilely to eliminate the quiver in his voice. It didn't help that Remus insisted on looking delicious beneath him. "Do you usually…?"

Remus always understood. "Both."

"Um…what do you prefer?"

"Do you have lubrication?"

Sirius flushed, there was no combating that quiver now. "I didn't want to try my luck by bringing along lube."

Remus chuckled affectionately and gently tugged on the ends of Sirius' hair. "I'll bottom then. You should have lubrication your first time, otherwise it hurts like a bitch."

Sirius frowned. "You speak from experience. I wish that—"

"Hey," That crease of concern appeared between Remus' eyebrows. It was oddly comforting to know that it was still there. "None of that. You won't hurt me like he did." He brought his hand from Sirius' hair to his chest and deftly flicked open a few buttons. His light touch tickled Sirius' skin as Remus' digits made their way towards his navel. "It's not the same as sex in the pack." He finished and ran a hand over the freshly naked skin. "I actually want this."

Above him, Sirius' eyes went soft and strained. "I should have killed him while I had the chance."

Remus' hand dropped. "What would that do?"

"I don't know," he said honestly, "but at least he'd be gone."

Sirius looked back down to where Remus was staring at him quietly. For a moment, Remus surveyed him. "You," Softly, as if speaking to a bird. "are not a murderer. Blood on your hands won't take back the blood Greyback spilled." He stroked a thumb over Sirius' lower lip.

He closed his eyes in response. "It's not right. It just isn't."

"I won't pretend that it is. I won't pretend I'm perfectly fine now. I'm not." Remus stretched his neck to press a small kiss to the corner of Sirius' mouth. "But I'm here now. Love me now."

Sirius' eyes snapped open. "I—I do. I will!"

"Then, damn it, kiss me."

Sirius' mouth tasted good. Familiar but not stale. It was only their third kiss out of many to come, but it felt like eternity pressed between the pages of time. A moment that penetrated through everything else, a needle through time, so it felt neither repetitive nor novel. Right. It felt right.

Back and forth. Remus' tongue pressing against Sirius' then Sirius' against Remus'. A brush of teeth on soft lips, pulling the bottom lip into the other's mouth until one of them groaned. An intrepid hand made it's way through Sirius' hair while Sirius' knee nudged between Remus' leg. The extra contact forced Remus to buck up into the pleasurable pressure.

They pulled away long enough to remove Remus' jumper and came together again. When Remus seized the collar of Sirius' shirt to pull him closer Sirius inhaled rapidly, pulling Remus' tongue farther into his mouth.

"Too much," Sirius gasped, "you're wearing too much."

The trousers and pants were next. The long planes of Remus' body stretched out beneath Sirius, his cinnamon skin perfect in the green of the grass. Sirius stuttered unintelligibly for a moment, knowing that he was gawking but unable to stop.

There were more scars on his skin than there had been before. A long, ugly one low across his hips, so deep it could have gutted Remus. A few yellowing bruises scattered along the insides of his thighs and along his abdomen—which was little more than skin stretched over a ribcage.

But he was still beautiful.

"What?" Remus was laughing now. "Lost your train of thought."

"No!" Sirius playfully snapped at Remus' nose with a flash of teeth. "I was just picturing all the ways I'm about to ravish you."

Remus' muscles convulsed and he shivered. Trousers and pants joined Remus' clothing and he brought a hand up to Sirius' mouth.

"Suck."

Sirius did as he was told, pulling Remus' three fingers in to the last knuckle. He smiled impishly when Remus' eyes fluttered closed and he suppressed a whimper.

"Okay," he said hoarsely, "okay, enough."

His breathing was erratic. He closed his eyes and slipped his ring finger inside himself. He pulled it in and out a few times before inserting the second and third.

"Do—" Sirius was breathless, "Do you need…help?"

"No, ah…I just…nnh. Gimme a, ah moment."

Sirius nodded and kissed his forehead gently. Remus shuddered and pulled out.

"S-S…please. I can't…Hurry, please."

"I don't want to hurt y—"

Remus ground a kiss into Sirius, pushing him over and straddling him. He rocked his hips into Sirius until they fit together. Perfect. Like nothing would ever fit again.

Sirius gasped against Remus' hot mouth when he hit a soft spot. Remus moaned around gritted teeth, muscles clenching desperately. "D-do that again." He flexed his hips slowly, torturously, and Remus let out a keen of pleasure-pain. It was as if touched with an electric shock. Sirius pushed and flexed and kissed and licked anywhere he could. There wasn't enough of him, but far too much of Remus that should, had to, _needed_ to be celebrated.

Sirius came a handful of strokes too soon when Remus convulsed in pleasure. He heard someone screaming and surprised himself by realizing it was himself. Beneath him, Remus was whimpering high desperate tones. Breathlessly mouthing Sirius' name around his gasps. He didn't know anything in the world could feel like this.

Remus came just before Sirius did, and as they exhaled into repose, they were in sync.

A long moment passed of perfect one-ness. After an eternity, Remus gathered his breath and slide off of Sirius so they were lying side-by-side. "Y-you okay?"

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus on the lips.

Odd how it felt so incredibly intimate to casually kiss Remus, even in light of making love.

Remus closed his eyes, happy. They were happy.

_I know a bank whereon the wild thyme blows,__  
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,  
__Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,__  
With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine._

_

* * *

_

_Author's Note: Well, we're finished. I can't believe it. I hope you all enjoyed it._

_Thank you to all who reviewed and to those who read. It never would have been completed if it weren't for you lovely people._

_Yours,_

_A.A.  
_


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